there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
