She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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