but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
