Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
