What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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