This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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