I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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