I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
