He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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