Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
