my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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