if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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