I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
