she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
