Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
