so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
