Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
