my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize