its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
