Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
