Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
