I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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