I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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