It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
