Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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