The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
