today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
