if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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