I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
