Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
