I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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