there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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