i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize