all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
