hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
