My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize