I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
