Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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