would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
