having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
