Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
