I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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