he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
