You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
