I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
