..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
