I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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