Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
