she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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