The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
