WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
