i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
