I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
