If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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