He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
