Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
