Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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