I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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