I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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