My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
