Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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