I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
