i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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