Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
