im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
