On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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