happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
