I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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