no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
