Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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