i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
