What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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