sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize