We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it was like eating out sand paper
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
