If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
