Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
