He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
