you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
