Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
