Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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