Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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