I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
