mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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