are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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