Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
