she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
