My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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