just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am mentally ready for anal.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
