i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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