are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
