and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
