R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
