i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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