like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
